So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
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Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
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Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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