i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
