Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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