I faked an abortion last night.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
