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I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
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