i jhust puked up my retainher.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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