Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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