Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
