Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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