In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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