Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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