dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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