shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
