if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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