Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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