why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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