my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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