I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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