Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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