Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
