He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
