he was CRYING into my vagina
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
