Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
