She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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