I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I believe in your delicious
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
