the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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