This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
