Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
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my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
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Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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