I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
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In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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