so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
