Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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