I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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