Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
