Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.