'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
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Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
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I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me