Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.