The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.