birth control should be required to get into college
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
