i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
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Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
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Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.