Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Plan B is the new Plan A

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(973): Plan B is the new Plan A http://tfl.nu/yxtj

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(678): View more from Georgia

Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.

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(678): Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth. http://tfl.nu/d54p

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.

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(860): I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die. http://tfl.nu/bqq9

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(201): View more from New Jersey

i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.

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(201): i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds. http://tfl.nu/tub0

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(719): View more from Colorado

Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.

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(719): Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you. http://tfl.nu/04eg

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.

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(314): I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome. http://tfl.nu/831u

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.

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(403): we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now. http://tfl.nu/goi4

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.

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(321): Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class. http://tfl.nu/1es6

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(816): View more from Missouri

I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.

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(816): I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry. http://tfl.nu/d5bh

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(303): View more from Colorado

i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.

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(303): i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned. http://tfl.nu/e449

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.

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(803): Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class. http://tfl.nu/uw6v

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(914): View more from New York

I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj

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(914): I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj http://tfl.nu/ijru

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this

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(413): I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this http://tfl.nu/znqy

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.

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(910): Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee. http://tfl.nu/pw4k

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.

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(606): Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK. http://tfl.nu/wl4e

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