I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
