Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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