How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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