speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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