I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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