yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
