drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i drank out of a bidet.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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