I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
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Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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