I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
