I want to make a zoo with you.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize