Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize