Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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