My boss' voice literally gives me gas
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
