Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
