I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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