Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
