Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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