tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i drank out of a bidet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
