New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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