just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
