Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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