i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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