I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
